Monday, October 21, 2013

Stress at 5AM

The hearts we hold aren't as colorful as the blood they shed,
Fire in our veins scorch them black as dread,
Black isn't sorrow it's just an absence of color,
Darkness where we once lit torches for each other,
Well if I'm not burning bridges I'm poking ashes,
Securing myself down just to cut the lashes,
We toss and turn in our sleep because the earth is still moving,
Though we stopped screaming so I guess we're improving,
Not everything makes sense in life and art,
Just keep making moves and playing the part,
Self doubt seems to swell like a cancer in the brain,
Pressing on the centers of  pleasure and pain,
There's too much time to worry when you're sitting still,
Every person can find a hole that they are desperate to fill,
They say stress is an enemy but I call it friend,
No problem in my heart being busy can't mend.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Frostbite.

She's like a gunfight by candlelight,
Just can't get her aim right,
The bright muzzle flashes in the night are ruining her eyesight,
Her heart succumbed to frostbite,
Turned it black as midnight,
So she keeps it locked up tight away from the sunlight,
The chill of the world stole her warmth and kindness,
Can't tell enemies from friends in this night-blindness,
She tears friends apart in bouts of fear,
Holds poison to her heart and calls it dear,
A song is the only language she can understand,
But sorrow sings a sweet tune while holding out its hand,
She's stubborn to a point that's bad for her health,
Doesn't take advice unless she's thought of it herself,
I can't save her because I'm the same,
Hold my pride too high to let others lay claim,
So I keep my distance and watch her troubles grow,
Wait for the instance she allows her heart to show,
I'll see if it resembles the one I used to know,
But my frostbitten queen may have thawed long ago,
Its been too long since I've peered through the snow,
I had no way to know that my own cold heart would thaw so slow.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Drowning Fool

Wake up on the floor,
Wash off the filth,
But can't rinse off the shame,
A twitch in the spine,
A pain in the back,
From this monkey he just cant tame,
Looking for a pearl,
A pearl of wisdom,
Formed from all this sand,
But the feelings rush out,
Roar like a river,
In a language he can't understand,
Go for high ground,
Climb up a mountain,
Just to escape the flood,
Tumble back down,
Dragging his knees,
Until they're covered in blood,
The wading fool,
Puts on his red nose,
Oh what a funny clown,
The paint on his face,
smears so comically,
As he struggles not to drown,
Grab at a raft,
To stay above water,
In the shape of a white pill,
On board is a man,
Who can speak to rivers,
He tutors the fool in the skill,
The water lowers,
To where he can stand,
Leave his raft behind,
The fool asks the river,
Why it's so angry,
Always flooding his mind,
"you dam me up tight,
and the water builds,
instead of letting it flow,
Dulling your mind,
With liquid courage,
Just to put on a show,
Do you think you can,
Just feel nothing,
With such a big heart?
Dancing on tables,
With your belled hat,
While your soul is falling apart?
You're not a clown,
You never will be,
That's just how you like to play,
You can bottle me up,
Pretend I'm not here,
But I'll flood you again someday."

Friday, March 9, 2012

New Novel I'm working on: Opening Chapter

“Ha ha ha ha.” he thinks.

Alexander had hit his head on the cupboard. He always likes to laugh after something annoying happens. It’s better to laugh things off than yell and scream about them. But he stopped vocalizing it when he noticed people thought it was weird.

“A year ago I would have snapped your door in half.” he tells the cupboard.

The cupboard didn’t reply.

“Ha ha.”

Alex has always had trouble with people. Not that he despises them, though he’ll say he does. His problem is that people... bore him. Humans are so complex and have such awareness, but they won’t acknowledge the fact that they can literally do anything they want, whenever they want. We are all trained to act a certain way as not to come off as “weird” or “crazy”.

“Show me one person who hasn’t sang in the mirror, and I’ll show you a liar” he thinks.

A lot of times when he sees a tree next to a sidewalk, he wants to climb it. He used to be able to when he was younger and not at that strange point called maturity. But full grown adults don’t climb trees they see while walking to the grocery store. It’s easier to find a surprising person to live through vicariously. Somebody... weird?
Crazy?
Interesting?
Alive?

He likes to make lists. It makes him laugh.

“Ha.”

Some people still surprise him, what the laymen would call “crazy people”. He tries his upmost to make them friends. He has a few good friends. He has much more acquaintances. But he feels that his weirdly interesting friends would fight for him tooth and nail and he could return the favor. As opposed to many shallow friendships where they will only help you move.

One day, one of his weirdly interesting friends asked him a question, “What’s your spirit animal?”

“A dog” he barked.

He meant this as a joke obviously, but then considered it in deeper detail later. He thinks about himself and realizes he is a dog. His loyalty to friends, family, and ideas is no doubt that like a dog’s. Sometimes he gets off his leash and runs off for a few weeks, but always come back to his friends like he never left. Being a dog would be pretty good anyways. People would have to get to know you to understand you because you don’t have much to say.

“How’s it going?”
“Woof”
“Oh that’s nice.”

The oh-so-many acquaintances dislike that sometimes he doesn’t remember their names. They get upset. It’s easier to smile and walk away at those times.

“If they want me to know their name so badly why don’t they make a mark in my memory?” he thinks.

Like any good dog he is friendly to just about anyone, but do they expect him to remember the names of every person who he idly chats with about the weather?

To remedy his memory he likes to associate people with animals now. What he can see them as.

At a party recently he slurred, “There are a lot of lemmings, snakes, apes, and ostriches in this world you know. I of course speak of fools, the cruel, the aggressive, and the cowardly. But really out of that bunch, it’s still mostly lemmings.”

They mostly ignored him or gave him strange looks.

“Well excuse me, lemmings”

He met another dog-person once too.
She was a woman.
She was a dog-woman.
A bitch?
“Ha.”

She may have been the only person who saw him as the dog-man he was. After he’d return from mental wanderings alone in his room for a few weeks she’d appear. This often developed into wild, sweaty, passionate sex. (Complete with guttural animal noises) But that wasn’t the best part. The best part is that after they’d exercised those natural animal emotions he would lay his head in her lap and stare at her with a smile. He wouldn’t say a word, he would just admire her.

She would run her fingers through his shaggy hair and pet his head until he fell asleep.

She was soft, beautiful, wild, and warm.

“I think she loved me for the sweaty dog-man I am”, he thinks.

She’s still around, but the stupid dog-man ruined their puppy love.

Her name is Amanda; she is a dog-girl.

She made her mark.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Bathroom Scratchings.

So I came across a little something carved into a bathroom stall.

It is a short conversation between two people that goes like this:

"Fuck the world."

"You need help!"

"Fuck you the world needs help."

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

America.

I wrote a little something for the passing of the NDAA by the sneak-thieves we residents of the United States call our leaders.

Enjoy.

Our rights in tatters,

Our freedom vanished,

Where no vote matters,

With free speech is banished,

Now allowed to detain,

Torture and beat,

To make us refrain,

From taking the street,

The land of the free,

The home of the brave,

Gives us degrees,

To line our graves,

What is the point,

When you can't find a job,

And we only appoint,

Politicians who rob,

Sneak with their bills,

And their souls so black,

Getting their thrills,

Sticking knives in our back,

Now every blue collar,

Has a back dyed red,

As they take every dollar,

Every dime 'til you're dead

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Should Have.

Should have been a painter,

Showed you the view,

Something beautiful,

I wish everyone knew,

Should have been a painter,

And used my hope,

Tied it to a canvas,

With some two-ply rope,

Should have been a painter,

And hung them all,

Should've had a dreamscape,

On every wall,

Should have been a painter,

But I never could be,

And words can't express,

What I really see

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Live.

There's not a lot for a poet to give,

Just some thoughts on how to live,

Living in your head is all good fun,

But heads in the clouds don't get things done,

Enjoy the beauty of here and now,

You can see miracles if you just know how,

There's a whole wide world,

Some good some bad,

Avoid the shallow,

Embrace the mad,

When did individuality,

Turn to eccentricity,

We only step from the line,

To get publicity,

Enjoy your life,

Be yourself,

Put all of those inhibitions,

Up on the shelf

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Why?

Recently one of my family member's significant other was stabbed to death in a nearby city I used to live in. At a mere 20 years old.

Mindless violence is a growing craze even in my oh-so rural central New York. The world is a sad place nowadays. Kids killing kids, men killing men, and everything in between.
Why?
For money?
Things?
Drugs?
Respect?

There are a lot more important things than material possessions and worrying about every person who speaks ill of you.

Mortality is a crazy thing. Everything is fine one minute and torn from you the next. In the end you'll realize what really mattered to you and I assure you it won't be any of the above.

There isn't really anything else that I have to say about this.. besides rest in peace.

Remember to enjoy your lives.. At least you still have them.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Ignorance = Bliss

Glorious sunlight,
Glorious youth,
No need to fight,
With nail and tooth,
My cell phone is charged,
My computer is new,
Why don't those Ethiopians,
Just get one too?
Slavery stitched,
Into my clothes,
Why should I care?
That's just how it goes,
Got better things to do,
Than vote or protest,
Catch up on Jersey Shore,
And buy Snooki's new vest,
Surely we are blessed,
Those of us here,
In a state of ignorance,
With nothing to fear.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Night.

There is but one time for me,

and that time is night,

Nothing better to see,

Than the star's bright light,

Chills on my spine,

From winds unseen,

Blink of a firefly,

Like a flash of citrine,

The cool dark grass,

Collecting it's dew,

Have to lay down,

Run my fingers through,

Look up to the sky,

Wonder what it means,

To be alive,

To have these dreams,

Feel relaxed,

Like I haven't in years,

Stare at the stars,

At all of God's tears.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Things.

There's a lot of things I want to see,

There's a lot of things I want to do,

There's a lot of things I want to be,

There's a lot of things I wish I knew,

There's a lot of things,

In this big wide world,

Mysteries ready,

To be unfurled,

Make a life,

Filled with these things,

Make it an experience,

The whole world sings,

Appreciate those moments,

The big and the small,

There's a lot of things,

But I want them all.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Imperfect.

The mad philosopher.

The preacher.

The wise man.

The fool.

I am all of these things, full of my own contradictions. My own strengths, my own weaknesses; but these things are my own. Thus, these things are me. While none of it is special, these layers are what defines us. The mixture, the primordial ooze of emotion, experience, and character. This is the soul. Sometimes filled with a bright light, only to be thrown back into darkness again. The layers and how you pull them together in your own way is what is unique. A point of view like no other. No, not a brilliant single snowflake, set apart from the rest, but a mutation of the same core. This beginning, this base, is surely the reason why we feel so connected.

We shape each other, and have a need inside to add a layer of ourselves to other people. To shape them into a fitting piece of the puzzle that is our lives. We may not get along, you might loathe and reject my layer, but had your layers formed differently in life we could have been the best of friends. The same is true for friends, had they been formed in a different condition we could have been the worst of enemies. So you may hate me, misunderstand me, hurt me, but I will always try to see what is inside. I will not judge your imperfections. I will love you at your core, for the core of us all is the same. Even if I shout hurtful words, throw fists, or shut you out, (as I am not perfect either) I will try my best to understand you. To marvel at the intricacies of the human condition. I invite you to do the same.

We might perceive each other as ugly, cruel, greedy, terrible, imperfect; but can you imagine a world without imperfection? Of a sameness that bound us all together in a perfectly formed puzzle? No debates, no pain, no conflict.. Without these things the good in life loses its meaning, its value.

I have dwelt on it, and it seems so terribly dull.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Good.

Life can be disappointing,
But only if you care,
Have no time for the drama queens,
The expectations that they share,
You have to find the good in things,
We all have our scars,
Hatred is a cage for love,
You just have to break the bars,
I don't think I am better than you,
Even if you think you are,
I'll try my best to wear your shoes,
But may not walk as far.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Every time I talk about politics I develop tourettes.

Everybody is politically correct, money grubbing whores these days and I find myself weary of it. Everyone in charge are just going through the motions and we all know it. As for us stuck on the bottom, we enjoy our time off as much as we can with a little weed and booze to distract ourselves from the bullshit that is quickly rising to our necks. Some take it a bit too far and acquire habits such as heroin and meth. (Which are running rampant even in the small town I grew up in)

Why do all of these drones in our government and upper class wonder why we are all so fucked up all the time? It's because we can't stand the shit they make us wade through. Unbeknownst to them, their shit really does stink. I tried to write a senator recently about the budget. It was a long and eloquently worded letter, without any cuss words. (even though I wanted to use a few) Also polite and respectful. But what did I get?

Guess what I got...

A reply back! From a fucking desk jockey! It was filled with polite politically correct jargon but this about sums it up:

"Dear Fuckhead,

I didn't even read your letter because you're a fuckhead. I don't care about what anyone in my state says because I'm busy sucking off big business. Have a nice day.

P.S. Go fuck yourself."

Today's world is great isn't it? Everybody knows that they can't make any difference so we just all stare and wave at them with glazed eyes as they keep shitting on us. Waiting to drown.

Oh wait, that's not great. It's fucking terrible.

We're slaves with blue collars and bottles of meds. (for those who can afford them)

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Step right up!

Although the world is a disgusting, terrible place, you have to try to find the little bits of good in everybody. If you consider the thousands of random events that led to them being what they are, you cannot judge them for their trespasses. Some are deviant and beyond hope, such as violent killers and rapists, but not all. The crack head you ignored on the subway could have been you if you had lived their life. There is no way of knowing if you could have taken the same hardships any better. So why treat yourself as some superior being? You do not have to feel sorry for them, but to forget that they were born as an ordinary person is denying their humanity and treating them as a different species all together. Beneath the crack pipe and 7 layers of stolen clothing is a person, believe it or not. Had they been in your shoes, maybe they wouldn’t have ended up this way. But alas, the only way they have ever managed to walk in your shoes is by stealing them.

There’s a strange sadness around the streets. The hobo sleeping in his own whiskey vomit, the prostitute covered in bruises, the crack head stealing a radio, you have to wonder; is this what the future is really like? What has the world done to these people? No hope, given up on pride a long time ago. They don’t flinch as others treat them like animals, because they’ve grown accustomed. Nothing but apes begging for bananas from their cages, taught to perform for their rewards. Even if a call-girl has a black eye she’ll smile for a customer. No matter how much she wants to cry. That’s dedication.

So next time you look at one of these people, don’t think of them as a pest, but a talented performer. They were born and raised to live the low life, getting dragged through by the dick. Every bum you don’t make eye contact with, every poor girl you pick up for a wild night, these moments pass us by. But after we leave they keep on living, desperate and alone, as the rest of humanity’s personal freak show.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Everybody's working for the weekend.

Working a low paying job is kind of like living in a crack house. Some people have been around for years while others are just passing through. Whatever their reason, we are stuck together 8 hours a night, 5 days a week.

The people at my job vary tremendously. Old and young, angry and kind, but forever joined by the middle class. Some are zombies for sure. Completely loathsome of where they are in life. Cursing the god and the crack that have put them there. But amongst the people that have been there for 30 years are those who live in complete ignorant bliss of a world that has forgotten them. They've accepted that sometimes this is all life has to offer. Which is a sad comment, but a truthful one. They carry on their small worlds with the people they've known their whole lives and are truly happy for it. Beauty doesn't always come wrapped in success.

A few of these zen-like folks have served hard time. Prison must alert people to how good a normal life is. We're all so caught up in our dreams we forget that simple people make the world go round. During my time at boot-camp I learned to appreciate the true value of simple things. A chair to sit in instead of a concrete floor. A long hot shower. (and the best part.. ALONE!) These little things that everyone takes for granted. Take the time to go without. So you can really appreciate what you have. You don't have to spend time in the slammer or join the military, just live a spartan lifestyle. Or just cut yourself off from one thing that you use everyday. Hell, try shitting in the woods. It sucks.

The people who understand appreciating simple things the most are those close to death. To be dying is the ultimate form of freedom. Terminally ill have the freedom to say what they wouldn't normally say. Do things they would never have done before. What's the difference when you could die tomorrow? This is the best reason I can find for nobody to ever kill themselves. After my own run in with a dull razor and a sad attempt at offing myself I realized something. I'm wasting my golden ticket! I can face life with absolutely no inhibitions. I could walk down the street butt ass naked if I want to. You can only hope to stop me before I'm dead. I don't care what your reason is, you're down, life has been going shitty, love life is in shambles, or you're just bored with it. You should always embrace the fact you can at least burn out in the best of ways. Without the fear of death the world is an adventure.

Climb a mountain. Tell people who make your everyday life hell to go fuck themselves.

Do whatever, whenever you want.

Because it's better than doing nothing.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Stuck.

Well I've been neglecting my poor blog again. And I really must find the time for a real post. This new job is really cutting down on my sitting on my ass time.

So, as per usual, I'll give you some shitty poetry to tide you over. This pretty much explains my mind right now.

I often ponder,

Why my mind seems to wander,

Instead of doing it's job,

Like an attic full of shit,

And I can't get out of it,

No matter how hard I turn the knob,

So I'll sit on the floor,

And ignore the stuck door,

No real need to fret,

Then I'll look through these piles,

Full of memories and smiles,

And others I'd rather forget.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I have my hate balled up next to my half-empty cup.

Drama.

Or as a more flamboyant person would put it..

Draaaammaaaaaa!!!

We seem to be moving towards a society of downers hooked on drama. Everybody is on edge.

Strange that you take downers to relieve the stress from all the downers in our day to day lives.

Now let's point some fingers! Who's to blame for all of this bullshit? I'll tell you who, everyone. Seems people need to feed into fitting in nowadays to not be trampled on by the fake whores of life. Some may have their own tastes but choose to keep it hidden in case of, "omg wat if she hurrs this and thinks I'm super lame?".

This is why I do not only blame the fake whores, as disgusting and loathsome as they may be, because it's the general populous who even cares what they are saying. I can't walk through a local mall and not instantly despise everything I'm hearing. These younger ones I see loitering around Hot Topic will usher us into the new world order of giving a shit what brands and bands you like. Go ride a fucking bike or something, and not just to say, "I'm pretty good at bmx on my Whateverbrandisinrightnow." Nobody does anything for fun anymore, it's for recognition. I also blame the same pussy parents I have mentioned before. These kids will do just about anything to not be teased by some skank that half the school has banged so their parents give them all of this new shit to keep up with the times. Even the youngest children are being paraded around in name brand clothes because "Well I don't want the other parents to think we are scum bags." Kids get picked on. Teaching them to shield themselves by stripping away their individuality is why we have this problem. They aren't being taught to shrug off life's downers and drama queens.

Since WHEN did it come to needing an Iphone and a fucking North Face to be considered "less than scum"?

HOW the fuck did you people let this trend of atrocities on our fellow man happen?

Now that I've finished ranting on the aesthetics, let's move on to the meat of the subject. A drama queen as you may know, is one who delights in conflict. My main concern however is not the existence of said drama queens, but with the rising population of them. I mean I see how getting put down by this high school hierarchy bullshit can be stressful, but what happened to friendship? A good friend is someone you can punch the night before and patch shit up with the next day, without all of your personal information and secrets you've shared being aired to everyone in the mean-time out of spite. With the rise of technology it seems the true friend thing is going out of style. Being connected with everyone all the time makes it harder to treasure your friends. These drama queens will go by picking up person after person only to keep some weird love-hate relationship with them until they get bored and throw them away like a used tissue. Seems everyone is quick to throw a punch or a shitty comment someone else's way even if the matter is trivial because people are expendable. Airing all of your little squabbles over your social networking sites so more people can join into your stupid, pointless arguments. Speaking of which, why do these people add each other if they hate each others guts so much? Obviously, just to fight. They need that attention that completely destroying some poor assholes image would bring them. They need to feel powerful, because they are weak minded.

So stop giving a shit what assholes you know said about you, or "getting respect".

Respect is a lost art to us. Trying to earn it from every douchebag you trip over will only erase who you are.

These people will keep an eye on every little detail about you, just to tear you apart.

So be you, fuck the naysayers. You get a lot more out of life when you aren't worried about being perfect all the time.

Monday, January 3, 2011

You are not a snowflake.

Each person thinks they have a special purpose.

A natural drive for their ambition.

What separates the successful from the normal are their opportunities given to them by others and their will.

A strong, carefree, will allows you to be happy during the transitional periods of your life, but a strong will coupled with high expectations for yourself can be crushing. You must always strive for your dreams, but do so with the concept that you may fail. Not everyone is given the best odds. All you can do is hold in there and hope your opportunity arises. What these people judging themselves must realize is that there is nothing wrong with being normal. You can push, and strain for a goal and never have it come to realization. Maybe not because you don't possess the skill, but because you have never thought of the fact that we don't all get lucky and the world runs on average Joes. Pounding out paychecks for just enough to live and get by with an average life. One must never, ever, give up on what they think they are meant for, but to focus on only that is naive and self-appreciating. Sure you feel like this is your time, your place of purpose, but so does everyone else. Don't go putting yourself down every time you fail. Failure is to be shrugged off, not mourned over. Being angry with yourself only makes you not want to try anymore. Or it makes you try so hard you lose focus on the rest of life.

If you feel disgusted with yourself, or ashamed, then you need to throw away your pride. What makes you better than anyone else stuck in the same place as you? Sure you may be smarter, maybe better looking, more physically in shape, but on life's playing field luck is the usual decider of the game. The luck of the draw at that, because most are born into their social and financial settings.

And for those who absolutely have the means to do great things but would be happier being average, be average. Stop living up to everyone else's expectations, or even your own. Live up to the expectation that you will be happy. You don't have to be successful to live happily. You just have to be alive and doing what you want to do. Or at least pursuing it. Doing what you hate will just make you stop caring about life at all.

Take your little moments out of life and hold them tight. Because you really aren't all that special.

There's a couple million more of you, thinking the same thing.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Wake Up.

I wrote this while thinking of a new blog.

But since I'm too tired to write what I feel in complex words today, I'll leave you with a short poem until I have collected myself.

A man can dream,

That's what they say,

But sometimes we dream,

Our whole lives away,

When you hide in your head,

Nothing seems real,

You forget to stand up,

And say what you feel,

We're a society of cynics,

Our spirits broken,

Taught to obey,

Our minds unspoken,

We expect the worse,

So that's what we get,

But I cant help but feel,

A bit of regret,

That although we dream,

We don't do what's right,

We don't run to the streets,

And put up a fight,

We cried in disgust,

At Tienanmen Square,

But when the fight's here,

No one seems to care,

Because our glass is half empty,

We've been molded without knowing,

To take the shit that's fed to us,

Forget the cards they aren't showing,

So we all have to learn,

To fill up our cup,

To fight for whats right,

Please wake up.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Freedom isn't free, it doesn't exist.

How can anyone call themselves free anymore?

Everyone owns everything. Since when did people get the right to "own" places? You can't go hunt for your food anymore. No more gathering wild plants to eat. You can do these things in a controlled manner but you'll always have to pay someone.

As you read this there are people you don't even know deciding how you should live your life. Abide by their "laws". People should be born into a world where they can do whatever they please with their own bodies or lives. Like animals.

We had to start like animals. We were animals. I believe in laws just as much as the other man but I believe those laws should only govern unjust acts. If you rape a girl you get your ass beat and possibly killed. If you kill a man be ready to be killed yourself. But if I want to walk down into the woods and live there why do you have to know about it?

But you can't marry someone of your own sex or pump yourself with drugs legally in most places. You can't just find a nice spot and make it your home for the night. You can't be free to live in a world where you just live like a normal animal. People are forced to register themselves and live in the human world.

I never signed up to live in this world. Why do I have to listen to your rules?
Can't we just make things simple again?
Can't I just get a place where no one will bother me for taxes or land permits?
Can't people just.. live anymore?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Place your bets.

Have you ever met someone so stuck in their own sorrow you can't stand it?

Like all they focus on is the bad in life and whatever little thing happened to them this week.

I feel a bit embarrassed mentioning it because I've been that way before. Hiding in my cave, refusing to see anything but anguish. At some point your spirit breaks, and you give in to depression. The people that refuse to move past this point in their lives irk me. At some point you should learn to move past all the bullshit life has handed you. Sometimes it's time to stop being sad and start being awesome.

If you do nothing but sit alone in the dark weeping, nothing will ever get better. Don't focus on the past so much. Or life's problems. Live for a moment. A moment where you can smile and relax for a second. If you collect enough of these tiny moments life doesn't start to hurt so bad. You're just waiting for your next moment. Or you can take a different approach and totally cash in. New job, new city, new everything. Sometimes you just need a restart.

Just say "Fuck it."

You can change what you can, but sometimes life deals you a shitty hand.

Get used to it and keep placing your bets.

You'll never win anything folding every hand.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Superman's Dead.

Let's talk about heroes.

I don't mean Superman either.
(well, maybe Batman)

Many people have heroes that they look up to. Aspire to be like. While there's nothing wrong with setting goals I wonder if this is really a good method of doing so.

You should look at people and respect them for their accomplishments, but to consider anyone a hero is null. We are all human. We all have flaws. You should always aspire to be the best version of you. Not somebody else.

Emulating another person isn't so bad, but you must look at the person that you are emulating as a normal figure. No one is all knowing, and you have to go about your own way to get a different perspective on your chosen field. Change is created with a collective of several varied minds. They may have a similar goal, but reaching for it can always be done in a different way.

You can always improve on another person's legacy and make it your own.

You should respect a person for what they do. Good for the world, themselves, and their fellow man. But as a person, you should see them as a normal person.

Not a god-like figure capable of things beyond your reach.

Because after all, you are human too.

There's no Superman here. We have to look at the world and change it with our own hands. So put your best foot forward and go make your own legacy.

You may not be the man of steel, or have a kick ass butler named Alfred, but neither do all the people you've called heroes over the years.

Make your theme song. Get your costume.

Go kick life's ass.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

I'm back y'all, I'm back y'all, I'm black y'all! Wait.. what?

So I don't know if I've been avoiding writing or if it was just the pills (which I've recently stopped taking) diminishing my creative thought. Either way, I have been focused a lot on my writing as of late, and will soon be blasting your minds with some deep thought. I like feedback, so leave me some comments fuckheads. You don't have to be a member to write one.

Put simply, after a long hiatus and some good times experiencing life I'd like to dive into blogging again. Sorry for the delay, but we all need to recharge once and awhile.

Even if you retain your normal life, sometimes it's better to cut most ties over the internet and phone to just sit back and enjoy the present. If you don't have someone to talk to, find someone new. Don't text some old asshole you've had a million talks with before. Why not go places, meet people, and just let loose? Go find some strangers to swap stories with. You'll be surprised that not only you and your friends lead "interesting" lives. Even an old enemy can become a good friend as you change over the years. Those years of being separated through hatred couldn't have been so boring that you couldn't share a story or two over a beer.

So even if I am going to start writing again, I want you to stop for a moment. Stop and think about it seriously. Do you need a break from the norm? If you do, then stop reading my fucking blog and don't recharge your phone. So you can recharge yourself.

Battery low..
Shutting down in 3..
2..
1..

Friday, July 9, 2010

Pain is Good, Sometimes.

I find that we are raising generations of pussies. Contact sports and even dodge ball are being assaulted by soccer moms afraid of letting their children experience pain. Everyone expects things to be handed to them. Everyone thinks the world owes them something. What people fail to realize is the world doesn’t owe you a damn thing. By constantly worrying about whether our children are happy and never feel pain, we cause the problems we face now. Everyone is politically correct, and too afraid to say what is on their minds. Reducing the mental and physical pain throughout ones early life, makes it so when they reach adulthood, they can’t handle the real world. No one can shrug off a bad comment anymore. With pain comes wisdom, with wisdom comes realization. This realization is that life goes up and down. You don’t have to sulk every time something bad happens. Roll with the punches, and when the world gives you a nice right hook to the jaw, you may be down awhile, but then you should get up and kick it in the balls. Change is caused by people not afraid to speak their minds as loud as they can. The best leaders have always felt pain at some point in their life, and that is why they know how to deal with it.

I’m not saying to abandon your children. I’m not saying to not show them love. But let them make mistakes. It is only natural to protect your child but they need time to themselves as well. They need to be pelted with dodge balls or maybe get in a little trouble. Getting detention makes them learn how to be responsible, and that there are always consequences. Getting tackled will make them shrug off the little pains in life, and make them force their way through with their own strength next time. A dodge ball hurts less than a punch from a stranger on a drunk night. Detention is nothing compared to going to prison. Failing a class sucks a lot less than losing your job for being lazy. These are all valuable lessons.

Trying to ride on their backs and guide them all the time is only teaching them that someone will always be there to help them. They need to find their own strength and wisdom sometimes. But never completely abandon them or they may turn out worse than desired.

You need only a sperm and an egg to create a child. You need strength and wisdom to create a man. But those who are left to find that wisdom and strength on their own, may become the best of men, or the worst monsters.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Lifeless.

The only way my town could be famous is if someone important died here, because no one important is born here. I’m sick of walking down the street and seeing the same old lifeless characters. Drones slaving on, no real purpose just trying to live comfortably distracted, filling every hollow void with multimedia. I wonder if people used to have more fire in their eyes. You can see the twinkle once and a while when one has a purpose, but lately all I’ve seen is emptiness. Isn’t anyone driven to get the hell out of here anymore? Or to do something with themselves? Surely the handful of people I know can’t be the only ones. People need to find something to live for again. It saddens me to go out some days.

All I’ve been witness to lately is terrible things. In the newspapers, the television, and the internet, I see nothing but horrible acts. I find times like these are best spent with the handful you know that have fire in their eyes. Terrible things are changed when people with fire in their eyes work together. These people forge on when the zombies watch television. People who have found a purpose for themselves.

I just want to see happier people these days. Everything is so gloomy. So go look for a purpose, or something that truly means something to you. Go crazy and just do something! Resuscitate yourselves! I just want to feel like I’m amongst the living again.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Burning Bright.

What is your definition of living?

I wonder what people think these days about it.

Life is filled with beautiful moments and depressing ones. Unfortunately the latter can sometimes build so it makes you not appreciate those other moments as much. There are those who try to hide from life to avoid those melancholy moments. These people just grind away at life avoiding situations that may end badly. They never take chances and in my opinion, never truly live. What do you think? Does a life of solitude and not caring if you live or die count as life at all? I’d rather take the risk and experience the ups and downs. Love, hate, war, peace, depression, happiness, friends, and enemies, I’ll take them as they come.

Even in this dark world you have to try to carve out your own happiness. You have to try to see the beauty in everything and never let a bad moment stop you from trying again. Never give up on the things that you love because of the risk involved.

People often ridicule those who choose to live short and explosive lives. I find the risk takers are the most interesting and most fulfilled people I have ever met. Although sometimes situations end in tragedy, there is no reason to avoid them. Live your life to the fullest with all your heart and even if you die when you are young, you will have no regrets.

If you enjoy smoking do it if you please. If you want to go skydiving go for it. If you want to fight for what you believe in against impossible odds, I believe you have all the right in the world. It’s your life, live it how you want to. Also, stop trying to hold onto people. I believe in educating others on the dangers of all these things, but I will never tell them not to do it. For example, if I am smoking a cigarette and someone tells me I should quit, it annoys the hell out of me. I’m aware of the risks, but I choose to do it anyways. I’d rather enjoy myself than live a buttoned-down, boring, safe life.

Now stop trying to save everyone and let them do as they please.

Life is too sweet to go wasting it on being careful.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Drunken Brain Boxing.

Like most famous writers, I suddenly feel the need to post my feelings now that I am heavily intoxicated. Here goes.

Why are you reading this?
Why aren't you out doing something?
Something that will make you feel good about yourself?
You could be seeing things, meeting people, but here you are reading this bullshit.
Go on an adventure.
Take a flight with fate.
Wherever your feet may take you.
Godspeed.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The Joker.

A short, uninteresting poem I wrote entitled "The Joker."

Enjoy.

I'm a common reminder of those kids you once knew,
The ones back in high school whose maturity never grew,
Really smart but no one expected much,
Rumor is his mind's a bit out of touch,
A joker in person,
A fighter at heart,
Writing down curse words,
And calling it art,
Reciting his works,
He reads to an empty hall,
They don't bother to listen,
They don't know him at all.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

I.

I dwell a lot.
I dwell on the things I want to be, what I want to do.
I feel like there's an ocean of things that I have to say, yet I find it difficult to find a way to relate it to the masses.
I feel that in this world of petty views I am too abrasive to get my opportunity.
I view myself as a generally bad person, in certain aspects.
I am difficult to handle, but I like to think there is some good in there.
I generally want to help people but have no idea how.
I always wanted to be a writer, it's my passion.
I write and feel my audience is too small.
I want a wider scale to things.
I want my golden ticket.
I can't focus much anymore, my mind races.
I know I don't focus on my life much in this, but after all it is a blog.
I hope I haven't bored you.
I just wanted to take a moment and reflect on myself.
I hope you'll take a moment and reflect on yourself too.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Politically Incorrect.

I often wonder why people come to me for advice even though I am a fuck up.

I enjoy helping people so I enjoy these talks, yet it has its own hilarity to it. I have a strange bearing in life where I'm allowed to say almost anything to anyone (no matter how vulgar) and I get a free pass. Am I some sort of new-age guru? I sit here in my cheap jeans, stoned out of my mind and contemplating life, and people see me as a wise man. An old hermit who lives in the woods. People walk through the forest and up a mountain to hear me speak, but no one would choose to live the way I do.

This is why I don't understand why people drag personal lives into politics. As long as it does not conflict with their duties, who says a person can't be a good leader just because they have a soft spot for prostitutes? Stop looking at petty shit and look at the real issues you morons. The choices you make now affect the lives of your children.

Just because someone waves God in your face and has decent "christian morals" doesn't mean they are better suited for leadership than a homosexual or someone who follows a different religion. Look at how they'll treat the school system or the rise of unemployment in your country. If you type in "nys" to google its first recommended (most searched) is "nys unemployment". I know at least my country needs some improvement, and I'm willing to look to anyone qualified. No matter what age, gender, race, religion, or sexual preference.

So I will finish this post, before I go on a politcal rampage and spew a bunch of shit that you do not care about. But, I want to leave you this lesson. Just because they don't have the same views doesn't make them bad at what they do. If you take anything I write to heart, and take my advice, then you should know that.

Because I sure as hell have never met anyone with the same views as me.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Down with the sickness.

I recently read a chapter from a book that caught my eye. In this, they explained the theory that human beings may in fact share the same family tree as viruses. They believe that large DNA viruses with organism-like properties may have created the first nucleus by infecting a primitive archaeon. This rendered eukaryotes. Much of the human genome is viral in origin anyways so why not?

I enjoy this theory because it represents most of humanity to me. For as long as we've known that they exist, we despised viruses as evil machine-like destroyers, yet we may be evolved viruses ourselves. This reminds me of how much we disdain our own little evils. We resent that strange impulse to do something wrong. Maybe its just our inner virus telling us to do whats best for yourself.

Also, this fits the old saying "The human race is a virus". We do procreate to no end, overpopulating the Earth and destroying it as we go. Now, as our host is dying, we look for new hosts! We talk of terra-forming Mars and inventing the technology to do it, but do we need to? To act as a virus is the very nature of human life. Do we really need to spread our disease to the universe?

Friday, January 29, 2010

Greetings Traveler!

Whatever happened to the days where people walking by each other could still casually greet each other? Have we become so estranged that we have to cower from the thought of waving to a stranger? Or saying, "Have a nice day"? Countless times I have been scolded by friends for being too outgoing. It's not hard to walk up to someone and ask how they're doing. There's nothing weird about it either. We have too many bottled up people too afraid or too stuck up their own ass to even be courteous with strangers anymore.

This seems worse in the north of the United States. People ignore each other's existence while walking to work or riding a bus, just mindless shells transporting a sleeping mind. Having lived in the south for a short period I find that there really is such a thing as "southern hospitality". Its good to walk down the road and meet new people just by friendly greetings. Not often will you pass a stranger on a deserted sidewalk and not get at least a hello. I love the north, but we need to work on being such shy bitches and look each other in the eye.

Go wave to all the cars passing by.

High five people on the sidewalk.

Talk to the people in the car next to you at stoplights.

Stop being a pussy.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

What gets you hard?

In this life you will have problems. Some you will bring upon yourself. These urges you can't control, I understand. From drug addicts, to alcoholics, to sexual deviants, we all have the capability for addiction.

The problem with an addict is they always want a little bit more of a good thing, or bad. When you're always looking for that greener pasture its hard to appreciate what you have, or to appreciate having nothing at all. There's a reason why so many drug addicts overdose, or alcoholics die from alcohol poisoning. They always need more. They just want a little extra smack to make them feel just a little bit better. When you get bored with yourself and the world, these things happen.

How do you get high? What makes you hard? I shoot up with writing and philosophy. (Not saying I don't smoke pot, it's just I don't hit the hard drugs) How about you? Come on, it's okay, just ask yourself that. What is your passion? You have to figure out what makes you feel alive.

I find most addicts are people who just haven't found what really gets them hard. They use drugs or sex as a substitute because they can't find their purpose. They can't find that one thing that makes their life worthwhile. Or they have to hide themselves from the world because what makes them happy might be a little fucked up to the rest of us. I have to be honest, if all I had to do was grind out a paycheck each week without knowing who I am and knowing what makes me happy, I would shoot up too.

Everyone has this common enemy. No one thinks of it as evil but as an ordinary thing. What really drives people to addiction and several other horrible acts is boredom. Boredom is what makes us interact. It makes us crave that drug called attention. If we were happy just playing in our own heads all day like crazy people we wouldn't need anybody.

This is why I envy the completely insane. I know I'm crazy, but I mean the really fucked up people. The people that just love to sit and talk to themselves for hours, God knows what kind of fun shit they are doing up in that head. If you ask me, not giving a shit about this world because you have your own, that's pretty fucking special. I'd do it in a heartbeat.

You have to find beauty in needing nothing at all; to be at peace with emptiness. To have that feeling that nothing can touch you because you have nothing to lose.

That's a feeling you don't have to be crazy to feel. Sure some people think it's crazy to not value your own life, but why value a life with nothing in it? If you let go, everything seems trivial and anything is a game.

Life is like a shitty girlfriend. She can be great at times but if you slip up even a little she threatens to leave you. Now imagine staring that bitch in the face and telling her it doesn't matter if she leaves you or not because you could care less.

My outlook is to enjoy life while you have it. Life can be a bitch, but you don't have to be sad when she goes walking out on you.

An addiction just makes you want to hang on to her.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Homo Sapien.

We are a wonderful species. Filled with potential and wisdom that puts the rest of the animals of Earth to shame. All of us slightly differentiated from each other through interests and appearance.

But, lets take a look at the human mind. Though fraught with layers of intelligence and personality, we are all the same at our core. If we better understand each other's core, then we can take our first step towards a new outlook and a new life. I know I sound like a new age hippy douchebag, but I can only assure you that I am not.

Try to take my word for it.

Some people think to be a good philosopher, or to be wise, you have to suffer. On that subject, I wouldn't say I'm an expert, but let's just say my life hasn't been sunshine, lollipops, and kittens. If you're reading this still you've probably had a similar situation. Happy people don't go to whackos for advice. But who wants to be normal anyways?

Let's break it down. People are all basically the same. I know you might not think so, and yes there are differences, but on the basest level there's not one among us who thinks any different.

Everyone cares about what others think about them too much. Everyone just wants a little bit of attention. Who doesn't want to make their mark? To drift through time completely unnoticed by anyone? If you say you do, you are probably lying.

I know a few people will be angry about what I just said. Those so-called "different" people who "don't give a fuck about anyone". The truth is, if you really didn't give a shit, you wouldn't be trying so hard to be different. I have no problem with what you want to do with your life, just don't lie and say you don't want the attention.

In example: Tattoos

I have tattoos, a lot of people do. Lots of real die-hard fans of them will get ink that covers their entire body. Using them to represent what they stand for, their heritage, and experiences in their lives. If you have one, you know you didn't get it to stare at yourself, you want others to see. Why not? That's why I have mine. My problem is when people get something outrageous like "fuck" on their forehead and then try to say "I'm just expressing myself." You my friend are full of shit. You are just expressing what you think "normal people" would find offensive, or shocking. You just want your little marks to make yourself different, to make you special.

This life means nothing if we don't interact. This life means nothing without that attention.

What I want you to take from this passage is deep down we are all the same child craving that attention. That acknowledgment that you exist.

This is the first step to letting go because once you realize why the person that is torturing you, beating you, raping you, etc. is just as scared as you are of dying nameless, then you start to see the funny side. No one is superior deep down.

So keep your head up, because that just means they are as desperate for love as you.

No matter what you do to stand out, you have to remember that you aren't being you. You are being what you think most people aren't, for that drug we call attention. That doesn't make you special. That makes you a liar, to yourself.

The Machine.

Let's take a moment to explain why I find it important to let go of certain things.


Let's discuss something I call "The Machine".


Not unlike animals, we all have some basic primal knowledge. Like how birds migrate and salmon return to the same spawning pool they were born to reproduce, we are just born with the same knowledge. Our instincts.


I can't help but get this feeling that we are all connected. Fragments of something bigger, slowly rebuilding itself to its former glory. With each life a little more experience goes into this machine. With every minute of suffering comes wisdom. Each person, another part of the machine.


The problem is that we don't know what we are working toward. Mankind is capable of great things but with more technology comes a larger detachment from what we really are. Animals. Animals stick to the herd and do what they were born to do. They have nothing more important to do than survive and continue the species.


We, being sentient and possessing the knowledge to dominate other species, no longer fear nature and the food chain. We have become so bored with just existing that we constantly invent more shit just to be entertained.


Just being alive isn't good enough anymore. These computers, televisions, and cell phones distract us from each other and instead introduce us to manufactured humans. These representations on television and the internet are not real people but what certain people want you to think are real. These manufactured humans are designed to mold you to so-called "normal" living. To spend your money on more stupid fucking distractions.

We need to reunite with each other. To find our larger purpose. More people should do what they want to do instead of what they should do. I believe if you are happy with what you are doing with your life you are fulfilling your part in this machine. The reason I'm writing these things is to wake you up and make you a real animal again. A real person again. No longer manufactured but a repaired fragment of that broken machine.

Once we let go we can find each other.

Once we let go we can remake ourselves.

Once we let go we can remake our worlds.

Once we let go, we will know our purpose again.

Professor, may I use the bathroom?

Ok class. Take a seat. Time to talk about Earth.

The 3rd planet from the sun, gifted with the only sentient life in our solar system. Yet, with something so special, evil seems to taint it, so it cannot last too long.

Unlike most Professors, I'm not here to mold your mind, but to unshape it. There are people that mold your mind your whole life. They shape it to what they consider 'normal'. Teachers, parents, governments, the clergy. I'm not saying all of these people are bad people. In most cases they are trying to help. I'm just saying this world doesn't run like a well oiled machine.

Go to school and you'll get a good job. Eat your vegetables and you'll be big and strong. Listen to the governments "experts" and the economy will run fine. Go to church and be a good person and rewards will follow, you may even get into that VIP section in the sky.

That's all nice to hear, but do you think it always works out that way? Truth is not everything works out perfectly in this world. There are homeless people with college degrees, vegetarians who get cancer, the economy is falling apart, and good people get the shaft while backstabbers and whores reap the benefits. But the fact is if you look at the world through a different perspective even watching it burn can be enjoyable.

I'm not saying genocide or struggling families are funny. The fact we live this way disgusts me. But I'm going to ask you something. In the scope of things, does it really matter? Let it go and do something for yourself, or join an organization that focuses on the ones that want to join. Not everyone else.

You know what I mean. You can't change the world. You cannot stop greed and ambition. It will never be the perfect society you want, but you can at least be civil with others of like mind. Just let the notion that the whole planet with join hands and sing "Kum Bay Ya" go.

Not only that, but is what everyone thinks is so important really matter? Your homes, your cars, your things, your uncomfortable relationships because you don't want to act "stupid" or "weird". Let go of all of those feelings of needing to be normal. Of needing that new car because its "cool". Focus on living. Good living, connecting with people you hardly know sometimes just because you don't care what they think about you and they don't care what you think about them. We're just killing time with these distractions. In a few million years, will anyone know the human race existed?

This isn't some anarchist statement or saying that its ok to fuck with people for no reason. I'm just inviting you to take a look at things a little differently. It's time to laugh off those horrible things happening to you. It's time for a new beginning.

The Beginning.

I am going insane. At least that's what they tell me.

Maybe this will just be incoherent rambling, but I like to think there's a "method to my madness". This is the most literal use of that phrase I've ever encountered.

I'm writing this not for the mainstream, but for those who aren't afraid to think outside the norm. Most people will turn away from this blog in disgust. Many will think I'm just crazy. (And rightly so) But, a select few may read it like scripture. Not to be confused with religion, this blog focuses on life, not the afterlife.

This is a fresher outlook on a world that is letting us down. A new outlook on yourself and the people around you. Throw out those skeletons in your closet and start something new. Or just pass this off as some madman's ravings. It is your decision.

Keep reading, and see just how crazy I really am.